This week on Everything is Fine

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Jenn and I are talking about anger—when it’s useful, when it’s not, different types of anger, who gets to be angry, what makes us most angry, plus: how we often use anger to mask other, more vulnerable emotions/how we really feel. It’s actually a weirdly uplifting episode, given the subject matter, so do tune in, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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20 Thoughts on This week on Everything is Fine
    cw
    14 Mar 2022
    3:54pm

    Good podcast today, Ladies––I could relate to sooooo much! I also did the “if you are 12 you can do your own laundry” thing. With each birthday I added more responsibilities/tasks so by the time my kids were college age they could handle being out in the world without me. In terms of partners/husbands/wives/etc. doing “their part”––I always had the same struggle as you, Jenn, and I will say it absolutely infuriated me. Now that I live alone I don’t mind doing everything––partly because whatever mess needs to be cleaned up is just my mess––likewise, whatever laundry, meals to be prepared etc. etc.etc. It’s interesting how having to do everything seems quite the possible task for JUST me and, of course, not having to worry about offsprings makes all the difference. Don’t get me started on hair stylists. Just typing the words “hair stylists” makes me furious.

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    kimbersam
    14 Mar 2022
    2:34pm

    Anger and being told to ‘calm down. OH BOY! Trigger. Trigger. And MORE Trigger. Right there with both of you.

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    Helene
    14 Mar 2022
    1:02pm

    Jen, I can SO relate to the haircut story you told! – why do they insist on cutting everything to look like a classic old lady style no matter what you ask for? I’m tired of looking for new stylists! I’m so glad it’s not just me this is happening to!

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    RLJ
    15 Mar 2022
    5:29pm

    Another wonderful episode with so many things I could relate to. The talking shit I did in my youth and the reasons behind why I did it in the first place. The anger that bubbles beneath the surface and more times than not, when it overflows, does so at the people I love the most my husband and teenage daughter. The frustration with doing more than my share and so much of that share being the mental load that I don’t think my husband could ever realistically assume. As an aside..I just love it when you two go into the workings at Conde Nast. As someone who thought all the cool girls worked at women’s magazines, I find any glimpse into this world as fascinating. If there isn’t a tell all that has been written about this industry’s hey-day (or lack thereof depending on one’s perspective), there certainly should be. Thank you both!

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    Lisa
    15 Mar 2022
    8:02am

    I have a funny, somewhat related “male gaze/girl turned into mom” experience that still makes me laugh (as an antidote to the anger that I also understand and feel). We were on vacation on Block Island. My kids (5,4 and baby) were down the beach with my husband. I had somehow escaped and was by myself for a few minutes watching the waves. A drunk young man came over and chatted me up, and I had no idea why (answer: I was female and he was drunk lol). This goes on for a couple of minutes and then my 5 year old shows up and attaches herself to my leg. The look of horror on that boy’s face. Still makes me laugh.
    Thanks, as always, for a thought provoking episode.

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    Gleaming the Cube
    16 Mar 2022
    3:15pm

    Kim and Jen, I love it when you both just talk, because so much of it weirdly ends up being rather relevant. Random rage, oh yes. And, OH MY GOD, I used to do mileage runs! I never flew to Singapore for miles only, but, yes, I did take useless flights solely to qualify for the next level of airline status. I never did manage to get GGL on BA, since I am not a banker nor did I ever travel for work, so had to rely on random tricks. I liked traveling and the perks were nice, since I couldn’t afford to pay for them otherwise. I ended up taking a short weekend break to Sao Paulo once because routing “through” St Paulo to come home from Milan “made sense” (a weird quirk to getting a cheaper business class fare, oh my god you are all bored out of your mind now…snore).
    Also, tomorrow I am getting my haircut for the first time since January 2020, and I am terrified that I am going to get middle-aged lady hair. I want some punk! I want to be cool and kind of low-key sexy! I have a picture of Kristen Stewart I was going to show (reader: I look nothing like Kristen Stewart, plus my hair is now gray), but that might make matters worse.

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    Katie Dairrie
    14 Mar 2022
    12:45pm

    Jen – perhaps it is time to delegate all the stuff that is related to your child – to them. PE uniform – they can put them in the wash.. stuff like that. It is not a big ask (I have three older children myself) and that will take the load off of you.
    Kim – I was once friends with a person who used to work with you. I believe it was the re – gifted you were referring to at one of the episodes. God, they really disliked you (or should I use the word hate). They said you were the biggest bitch they have ever met. I listen to your show and I can’t really see it.

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      Kim France
      14 Mar 2022
      1:26pm

      Thanks, Katie. I’ll leave it to those who worked with us to decide who the bigger bitch was.

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      jenn romolini
      14 Mar 2022
      1:31pm

      Katie thank you—you’re right! On top of all the other things we balance in this long-term-partner + parenthood life, it’s so important to stay out of the martyrdom trap which is RIGHT THERE calling to me every day. Yours is actually the ideal solution.

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        Katie Dairrie
        14 Mar 2022
        2:02pm

        Here is what I did with my children. We had a month of training, in which I had put a list out of all the things that were now their responsibility. For us it was: laundry, each kid had a day in which they did their load. For you – just decide on a day, perhaps Sunday (as they have the whole day). Teach them how to work the machine. Also go with them to the store to pick a detergent that they like (each of my kids liked a different one). Have them make a big sign on their door that says : Sunday – Laundry or something. Once they master this, you can delegate more. For us it was laundry, school forms, homework and stuff and cleaning their own room. Everything else, was still up to me (my partner worked f/t outside the home; I only worked p/t from home). I can tell you, that now, as newly adults, they appreciate the training and tell me it was not a big deal. Just food for thought, of course, you make your own path. Good luck.

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    Allison
    18 Mar 2022
    10:08am

    Ugh the hair conversation is something I can totally relate to. I got a short haircut in October that I loved. I brought a photo of MYSELF with the haircut from a few years ago that was done by the same stylist and I still had to argue for how cropped I wanted it. I went back for a trim recently and had to ask again for it to be shorter. It’s not and I’m constantly annoyed by how much work I have to do every day to not look like a cockatoo. I want to run whatever wax or pomade my sons are using at the moment to add a little texture but somehow 50+ suddenly =give me all the VOLUME. It’s so insulting that stylists assume women want sexless helmet hair at a time when we need aaalll the reassurance that we are still stylish, beautiful and sexy.

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      Helene
      18 Mar 2022
      10:22am

      OMG! Yes! I brought a picture of my own hair when it looked exactly how I liked it (she had done the cut), and the 2nd time she cut my hair it looked NOTHING LIKE the pic! It WAS the “sexless helmet hair” WTF!!!!

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    y.k.
    16 Mar 2022
    3:34am

    jenn – i had to say, i feel exactly the same way about Kara Swisher- i’m always amazed and impressed & envious at how UN- accommodating * she is, it’s so clear that she doesn’t care about making a conversation easy or about being nice. She has interesting people on her podcasts, so they’re worth listening to for that alone. But i often find myself thinking about how I should be more like her.
    * well, she has that podcast w/ Scott Galloway, and I get the impression that he is really trying her patience at times.

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    Laura P
    16 Mar 2022
    9:24am

    Your last episodes on anger + friendships were excellent. Made me think what else I wish you guys would discuss. Regarding going for medical care or finances-how to be assertive-getting experts on -how to be most effective so you are not getting the usual little lady bs. Being a Karen about it doesn’t really get the info and outcome you want. And lets face it being in your 40s/50s are the time to start dealing with this- where maybe you never paid attention before. Thanks!

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    Claire
    15 Mar 2022
    10:33am

    Oh, Jenn, the discussion about the inequity in working families, and how the primary caregiver anticipates the details…Kim is right, lots of us are saying it, but it is SO nice to hear it spoken out loud, where I just felt like I could exhale knowing it wasn’t all in my head. This was such a helpful episode; thank you, both.

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      Claire
      15 Mar 2022
      10:49am

      Did I mention how helpful this episode was?! I’m already on the third re-listen.

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    Liz
    15 Mar 2022
    11:28am

    Re: work inequity: I think the fact that my mom was the breadwinner while my dad taught school and stayed home with us is how my sister and I wound up with so many chores. He was a great delegator. I once spent an entire summer digging a trench in our yard for the pool we were installing.

    And regarding menopause, argh, I feel like I’ve been in perimenopause for the last four years, and while my night sweats used to just be a 2-3 times a month thing, for the last two months I’ve woken up every single night drenched in sweat. It is disgusting. While I hope Jen’s doctor is right, 47 seems young to be nearing the end of menopause.

    My favorite depiction of middle aged female rage is Frances McDormand’s character in Friends With Money.

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    Elizabeth
    15 Mar 2022
    12:12pm

    I loved yesterday’s podcast! Thank you both for sharing – very relatable all. Regarding not marrying rich, my mother always said if you marry for money you’ll earn every penny. That, and you’re never too young to moisturize really stuck with me! xx

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    Mimi A
    15 Mar 2022
    2:16pm

    Re the women who were raised to marry rich and the ones who never thought about it, what about a But I Digress question about “What messages did you get from your family and the culture about what you were ‘supposed’ to do or be and which of those messages were valuable and which destructive?”

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    Shelly
    15 Mar 2022
    2:21pm

    This was a great episode. I could really relate to Jenn’s comments about being in a world of money and power, or at least being money and power adjacent, but not being from that world. I grew up in a Los Angeles suburb-actually a small town-known for it’s good public schools and charming neighborhoods. There was affluence, but it was more my dad (and at the time it was almost always the dad) is a doctor, lawyer, etc. These were not masters of the universe types.
    I now live on the Westside, and I have been stunned at how completely neutral people manage to be, emotionally speaking. Nobody seems to angry about anything, even in the crazy times we are living in. It’s as if they are being very careful to preserve their energy for things that will make them more money. Where this seems most pronounced is in the people with high power jobs on the business side of creative fields. They don’t actually create anything, and I’m pretty sure they spend their days trying to coax creatives to be more commercial. There is just a blandness with these people that has surprised and disappointed me. They want the same car and the same purse and want to tear down that charming and architecturally significant home to build whatever the fashion is in that moment.
    The creative square pegs are the people I love, but it is a brutal truth that , unless you get to the point where you are the one in control of your work product and you own a piece of the action (such as being a showrunner vs a tv writer), the money isn’t what it should be.

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About

Kim France

I was born in Houston, Texas in 1964 and have lived in New York City since 1988. I had a long career in magazines, working at Sassy, Elle, New York, and Spin, and in 2000, I founded Lucky magazine, which I edited for ten years.

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