We’ve had a lot of requests to do an EIF episode about motherhood, and so Jenn and I sat down to talk about just that—the choice to have a child, the choice not to, and what happens when it feels like the choice was made for you. It’s a poignant and interesting conversation, so do tune in, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts. And hey! This is an excellent week to join our Patreon, as we’re have a special subscribers-only live event this Thursday at 7:30p.m. ET that promises to be all sorts of great.
i loved this epp so much. a real, honest, vulnerable conversation between two friends. i can’t wait to listen to it again. thanks guys.
FWIW, I don’t think having kids makes you human. Let’s face it, don’t we all know those one or two people who seemed to get smaller and narrower once they had them? I think instead that it’s caring for others that makes you human, and there are all kinds of ways we do that: nieces and nephews, aging parents, pets, neighbors, the community. I’m part of a small group working very hard to save a plot of land in town that’s a haven for wildlife from a development that would also be dreadful for us economically. All of us are either child-free or have kids launched and in the world on their own. Parents of small kids just don’t have the time or emotional gas for this sort of work. They’re doing their care-taking thing; we’re doing ours. These are different in the details but I believe come from the same place and have the same goals, broadly speaking. Also, the planet isn’t exactly hurting for bodies these days — 7.8 billion, yikes. Where are they all going to park?
As someone who got married late (43) and ended up having a bunch of miscarriages, this episode spoke to me. My husband and I are now happily child-free, but getting there took a lot of heartbreak and emotional work. I so appreciated the rawness and honesty & friendship displayed in this episode.
I don’t want kids, never have, in my 40s now, no regrets. Would have loved that perspective on this show so it was evenly distributed (one who has kids, one who wanted but didn’t, one who didn’t want and didn’t have). It made me sad to hear Kim feeling so bad about not having babies. This was an interesting episode but Kim I hope you don’t beat yourself up anymore for not doing it, glad it sounds like you have come to a better place about it now…it is definitely fascinating to get inside other women’s journeys. I wish I could have a relationship with my mother like yours – probably a huge part of why I have no desire to procreate! 🙂 We are all so different in what we value as we make decisions.
As someone in the thick of parenting, I really appreciated this one. And loved hearing both perspectives.
Parenting is hard. I got 2. I got a career. I got a husband I adore who I don’t have to schedule sex with.
I’m so lucky. But parenting still it’s hard. I love my kids (8, 13 – pandemic trials and all) — but I also could have had a great life w/o kids. Life is a big mash-up of opportunities & chance & choices – no one way to do it. Which is also the magic of being alive… no journey is the same.
Very well said and big fat ditto. Even as a parent with a career, I’m a hot mess inside 3/4 of the time. The great thing about getting older is that our humility and decency kicks in and we recognize there is no ideal journey – all of our choices are so damn hard as women. I especially loved the part when you both spoke about the ebb and flow of your friendship Jenn and Kim it seems like a beautiful, lengthy one and comes through in your rapport.
Jen’s reference to the Silkwood shower further confirmed my belief that I am among my people (not that I had any doubts!).
Loved this one.
I don’t love you guys anyway….I love you because!
Aw thanks, Eloise!
Loved this one. I have spent too much of my life wondering “do I have this right?” and more often, “she has it right and I don’t”. Exhausting and unproductive for sure. What remains is my love of hearing other people’s stories and learning how they navigate life. Thank you both for your generosity and insight in sharing your stories.
Agreed LisaE, this episode was so moving in the ways Kim and Jenn discussed how to live these lives they have, rather than the ones they imagined they would have. That seems like the universal struggle to me. There are always “what ifs” and I do believe loopy ol’hormones play a part in the kids question. When I was nearing 40 and wondering if I should have a 3rd my OB mentioned that she believes that desire is somewhat biological. They she has regular conversations with women around 40 who feel a craving for a baby (or one more) at odds with what their logical sides are telling them about the choice. Here theory is that it is the bodies way of trying to get one in under the wire. Held true for me.
Great episode – very moving. I love the honesty and friendship between Kim and Jenn. Thank you!
I am child-free, 49 and live in New York. I know SO many women just like me here — none of us have a moment of regret about not having kids.
Also, I know so many people here who have only one child — it’s pretty standard to have an only child in NYC, as it’s hard to raise big families here unless you are rich. These are super smart, super sophisticated kids. They don’t seem to miss not having a sibling. Sibling relationships can be quite overrated, anyhow — I also know so many people who are estranged from their siblings and whose presence in their lives actually made their childhoods worse.