Let’s share our best breakup stories!

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One of my favorite GOACA comment threads ever was a few years ago on Valentine’s Day, when I asked you about your worst dates ever. Well, this time around, I’m requesting that you share your very worst breakup stories. I’ll go first: I once had a boyfriend break up with me in an email to my mother. That’s pretty bad, but I know you can beat it, so go forth.

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92 Thoughts on Let’s share our best breakup stories!
    Ella
    14 Feb 2020
    9:34am

    His mom called me and said that though she knew we weren’t together anymore, she wanted to know how things were going at his new job as a lawyer in Virginia because she hadn’t heard from him in a while and had lent him ten thousand dollars. I was stunned, considering that he was living with me, unemployed, not in Virginia, spending most of his waking hours playing video games. The end had been a long time coming but that was a pretty dramatic wakeup call.

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      SlyBK
      14 Feb 2020
      10:29am

      thank god you got to break up with him…unlike poor mom!

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      Aaryn B.
      15 Feb 2020
      1:14am

      You win. I haven’t even read the rest. I just feel it to my core. *Chef’s kiss*

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        Clatie
        17 Feb 2020
        11:32am

        I’m not so sure. Keep reading.

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    Beth
    14 Feb 2020
    11:25am

    Mine seems so tame in comparison lol. My second marriage was on the rocks, he was having an affair and refused to end while he “figured things out,” it was pretty inevitable it was going to end even though we were in counseling. She had bought him tickets to see Billy Joel the night before we were leaving for our family beach vacation. I told him if he went to the concert, there was no way I’d be able to hold it together in front of the kids (my 1, his 3) for a whole week and play happy family. And that my son and I would skip the vacation and we’d be moving out of the house that weekend instead. His response, “But she bought them months ago and spent so much money.” I talked to each of my stepkids (who I am still close with), explained why I was leaving, and my son and I moved out that weekend. That was almost 4 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made, and I still can’t stand to listen to Billy Joel!

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      11:32am

      “But she bought them months ago and spent so much money.”

      This gives me strong “flames on the side of my face” Madeleine Kahn vibes.

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        Emily TL
        14 Feb 2020
        2:17pm

        Flames on the side of my face! Madeline Kahn 4eva!

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      Clatie
      15 Feb 2020
      12:13pm

      I have always disliked Billy Joel music (more of a punk rock girl) and this just seals the deal. What a tool!

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    ElyseHK
    14 Feb 2020
    11:18am

    It was my 24th birthday. My boyfriend of several months took me to my favorite Japanese restaurant for dinner and broke up with me during the meal. I was completely blindsided and began crying softly into my sushi. Just then, a waitress carrying a tray of beverages tripped and spilled them all over my back.

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      11:21am

      In retrospect, consider the spilled drinks a kind of baptism.

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      Liz
      14 Feb 2020
      11:34am

      He’s an ass.

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      Clatie
      14 Feb 2020
      12:50pm

      What a PRICK.

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    Lily
    14 Feb 2020
    11:19am

    My boyfriend’s other girlfriend (who I did not know about) drunk dialed me in the wee hours to ask about the Valentine’s Day cards she had found in his room. We cross-checked the lies he had told us and discovered he’d bought us both the same Christmas gift! It was a substantial silver bracelet that I renamed the BITCHBLADE (after the early 2000s TV show Witchblade), and sold many years later for travel money (a return trip the country where my son was born).

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      Clatie
      15 Feb 2020
      12:14pm

      Bitchblade. LOL.

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    Meg
    14 Feb 2020
    11:12am

    I had developed an interesting sensation in my downstairs pants area, and sought counsel from my obgyn. She said I had chlamydia. To counter, I said I was married. She countered: you have chlamydia. I inquired whether is was possible to contract chlamydia via any other means than having sex. The gym, maybe? No, just through sex. I called the CDC to confirm that it could not have been from the L train or similar. No. When I told my husband about it, he gaslighted me for months, and finally this: “But just imagine how bad I felt, all those months of knowing I had given you chlamydia.”

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      Kimbersam
      14 Feb 2020
      11:16am

      What a shite!

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      Jen
      14 Feb 2020
      12:03pm

      Wow. Calling the CDC is the real kicker. That’s JUST AWFUL. F him!!

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      Lisa
      15 Feb 2020
      10:00am

      Classic narcissism: stone cold behavior yet expecting the non-existant empathy for themselves. Never ceases to stun me.

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      Clatie
      14 Feb 2020
      6:59pm

      What an asshole. JESUS.

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      Aaryn B.
      15 Feb 2020
      1:17am

      Holy. Fuck.
      SMDH.

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        Betsy Palmer
        17 Feb 2020
        9:28am

        What you said.

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    peggy
    14 Feb 2020
    11:36am

    My boyfriend of 15 years broke up with me in front of my family, friends and children on my 50th birthday AT my 50th birthday party

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      11:40am

      This kind of monster should not be permitted to live among us.

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      Bobby
      14 Feb 2020
      1:40pm

      Jesus. You win!

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        Clatie
        14 Feb 2020
        7:00pm

        TRUTH.

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    Kathryn
    14 Feb 2020
    9:41am

    My long-distance boyfriend, whom I was going to visit in New York one weekend as always, texted “Don’t come. No time.” He called me from a party later that night and started to break up with me, hung up on me in the middle, then texted “I’m sorry, baby, I can’t.” The end.

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    Nycgirl11
    14 Feb 2020
    3:32pm

    I was with someone for 9 years. I thought we would be together forever. The night of my sister’s 30th birthday party at our apt, he told me he didn’t love me anymore, can’t stand to be near me (!), and breaks up with me. He then proceeds to list all of the things he didn’t like about me. I was beyond devastated. I soon found out he had been cheating on me with some girl he met at the gym. I was 32 and felt like the world was ending. I had to move out of the apt (it was his) and I remember my parents coming to help me. My ex tried to say goodbye to my parents and my dad told him off (go dad). Thank God for my family and friends or I would not have survived. But survive I did, and a few years later I met my husband.

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      Laura
      8 May 2020
      5:35am

      What a great end! It meant to be, thank you for inspiring me

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    lrgnyc
    14 Feb 2020
    3:53pm

    My (now ex) wife wasnt sure if she wanted children and her family was pretty homophobic and she wasn’t out to them. I thought she was worth it and didn’t try to get pregnant for most of my 30s. She came out when she wanted to have a baby and got pregant our first IUI. I was a little younger but not so lucky. Then she started to spend a lot of time with our kid’s baby sitter, and when I complained she said she was a mother figure. When she ended our marriage and moved 4 blocks from our now former sitter and her husband my now ex wife still said it had nothing to do with our sitter. Her GF is now pregnant and they just moved, a block and a half from my office, and still claim they didn’t have an affair and it’s just a weird coincidence.

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      Lisa
      15 Feb 2020
      9:57am

      “Still claim…”
      No matter how long they tell the lies, and start to believe them themselves, the truth is the truth is the truth. Slander of the truth keeper inevitably follows, as if we are now the cheater/liar! No one else cares for long, but it is never going to change our dissonance about knowing the facts. Ugh. Liars! Everywhere, and popular too these days…

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    Jan
    14 Feb 2020
    8:21am

    Ugh… about 10 years ago, I sat down to the family computer, and had Twitter messages pop up on the screen that were clearly meant for my husband, for an account I knew nothing about and that he failed to log off from. We spent the next 14 hours sitting on our front porch discussing it (we were bullet-proof, infidelity was something I’d never have to be concerned about, we were devoted to our family — this was impossible, no? Not supposed to happen). After 3 years of trying, therapy, 12-step groups for him, anything and everything I could think of to make it work, partly for myself and partly for our 2 pre- and teen-age sons — I told him I was done (after the 5th? 6th? “discovery” and the attendant gaslighting). We told our kids we’d be splitting up, and then family and friends; it was another 4 years before we sold the family house and officially separated. 3 years down the road, I’m a different person in so many ways, and mostly better — but I’ll never have back the trust and intimacy we’d created for over 25 years. When I think about the marriage ending it was the morning at the computer, despite all of the years of effort that followed — in a heartbeat I lost my best friend, the partner I’d expected to be with forever. (Kim, the headline reads “best” breakup stories, and the body copy asks for “worst” — this is my worst!)

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      Melissa
      14 Feb 2020
      10:34am

      I have a similar story…..while still in therapy and not planning on divorce, my husband moved out with little explanation and told our kids the next day (without me) that we were divorcing. After being together for 25 years — married for 22 — I was devastated. I soon found out that for the past year he had been a sugar daddy and had been giving thousands of dollars to various sugar babies. He had been cheating throughout our couples therapy and even our therapist was shocked that he had fooled us both so convincingly. Oh, and he decided to move out on the day after Valentine’s Day. So today is a little challenging for me. Wrote an article for HuffPo about it…..happy to share the link if anyone is interested.

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        lei
        14 Feb 2020
        11:34am

        Yes please!

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        Jan
        14 Feb 2020
        11:53am

        Please share!

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        Stacy
        14 Feb 2020
        11:55am

        What an ass. Buh-bye.

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        Clatie
        14 Feb 2020
        10:49am

        Very interested!

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        Melissa
        14 Feb 2020
        6:46pm

        Ok, so a little preface to this article….It was edited and some things got changed slightly. Mainly it made it seem as if my husband did ALL of the cooking and household work, while I did nothing. He did some. And, yes, he did watch the kids when I was traveling out of the country. But only when I worked around his travel schedule which was basically 50% of the time. I got a lot of flack when this was
        published as it sounded like I was a lady of leisure doing nothing while my husband did everything. I did work during those years, but doing jobs that allowed me to be home when my kids were. Anyway, enough of that, here it is: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/husband-cheating-sugar-daddy_n_5b61f14de4b0de86f49d5cf8

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          Mamavalveeta03
          14 Feb 2020
          11:22pm

          You don’t have to justify yourself to us or anyone, Melissa! No judgement zone

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          Jen
          14 Feb 2020
          11:24pm

          Thanks for sharing that – what a horrific experience. I cannot imagine why anyone would give you any flack! I hope you’re in a much better place. xo

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    Morgan
    17 Feb 2020
    2:50pm

    I had been living with the guy I was dating for three months, we had been dating for over a year. He was an avid kite surfer and wanted to go to Brazil with his kite surf buddies for a week. This was 15 years ago and cell phones weren’t that advanced so we relied on emails. When he didn’t come home on the day he was supposed to I called the airlines and hospitals. No luck.
    I was able to get in touch with someone in Brazil where he was staying. No one knew where he was. There are only two reasons you miss a flight IMO, you’re dead or you are f**king someone else.
    He came home the next day and said he was kite surfing and missed his flight, I was on high alert now.
    Two weeks later I found an email address similar his but slightly different scrawled on a piece of scrap paper. I was able to log on because he only used two very stupid passwords for everything. I see emails to his boss, some other nonsense, and a receipt from Amex from a lingerie shop…not for me!
    I look in all folders…nothing…except, he didn’t delete his sent emails. I hit the motherlode! He had been communicating with a woman in Brazil, (trust me, she did not look like Gisele) and he was planning on having her move here and was looking for an apartment for them, among other things. I printed out all 480 of them.
    I told him to GTFO I’m staying he’s out. I gave him 4 hours to pack his crap and anything that was left I sold on eBay.
    This is the best part…after he was out I texted him and told him that I went to the doctor and she said that I had chlamydia…did he want to confess to anything? Nope, he denied it all.
    Until…I was still getting some of his mail. I got the EOB from a doctor’s visit. He had a chlamydia test! For men that entails sticking a looooong cotton swab ALLLLLLL the way up the urethra…it is super painful.
    I laughed and laughed and celebrated with a very nice bottle of wine that night.
    Good riddance

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    Nicole
    17 Feb 2020
    11:15am

    Oh, which one to pick? I’ll go with The Pilot. We were together 5 years, I was in college, and working to put HIM through flight school (I was dumb in only the way you can be incredibly dumb at 22). Because we were going to get MARRIED, and he would PAY ME BACK.

    Well he ended up getting south west territory, and met a girl in Arizona, who left a message on his machine that began with “Hey, it’s me.” Such a casual tone, and no name? Clearly he knew who it was. How did I hear the message? He was checking his VM while we were in his car and it was pretty quiet without the radio on. So I asked “who’s that?” and he said it was his elderly aunt!! The affair had been going on a while. When I broke up with him, he, of course, said all kinds of nonsense.
    These days he’s on divorce #2, and working on a third, and flies captain on an airline, and I never saw a dime. I dodged a bullet though.

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    Mimi
    18 Feb 2020
    10:56am

    It was the mid-90s and we were both 48. He was a smart, attentive, charming, high-functioning narcissist who came with perks. I hadn’t just fallen off the turnip truck but this guy, with a mansion in Beverly Hills, an 18,000 square foot house in Aspen, a private jet etc. was soooo set up to sweep a newly divorced girl off her feet. (Don’t judge me as superficial. Who among you wouldn’t have been impressed?) We’d been dating for four months when he invited me to his house for lunch on a Saturday. His chef fixed us a lovely meal, and then he told me we weren’t going to work out. Gentleman (or player) that he was, he asked if I’d like to go up to his bedroom so he could give me an orgasm for the road. I declined. After me he dated Cheryl Tiegs, later Janice Dickinson, who was so crazy a mutual friend told me he was afraid she was going to burn his house down. Ah, memries. This wouldn’t qualify as a worst breakup, but it might be in the running for the funniest.

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    Gillian
    18 Feb 2020
    10:57am

    I had a friend call me and ask me if I was ‘sitting down’ because my boyfriend just asked her out.

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    Kayron
    16 Feb 2020
    6:39am

    Oh, oh, oh! I forgot the best part: he was so shocked I was leaving because he returned from his marathon date/bang session with the barista “more committed to us than ever”. He was now positive I was the one and couldn’t believe I’d leave now that he knew. Wow.

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    D.Morgendorffer
    14 Feb 2020
    2:49pm

    I assume uncertainty about statutes of limitation is the reason no one is committing to print the right and proper acts of justice they applied to these losers. I know we women can sometimes feel we have to be able to do it all by ourselves, but don’t be afraid to ask for help with revenge. As the saying goes, it takes a village to fell an asshole. There is much creative potential in vandalism, that’s all I’ll say.

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      Kimbersam
      14 Feb 2020
      2:53pm

      Yes! Like like a flaming front step poop caper! Not that I have ever done such a thing….

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      Robin Southern
      14 Feb 2020
      11:40pm

      I’m not above this suggestion of lady vandals.

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    Robin
    14 Feb 2020
    12:37pm

    I new he was a complicated man but he was very sweet and charming and seemed to really care about me. He was living temporarily in Germany and we were doing long distance and I was giving it a, “well, maybe long distance can work for a few months” kind of experiment. He came to visit me in our hometown on one of his vacations. I had a job but to make extra money I had a side hustle cleaning my friends house. I started to suspect that a “friend” who was coming up too often in conversation was more and confronted him about it. He was defensive and gaslighting. Finally, he said, “I never saw myself dating a maid.” *record scratches* *tires squeal* Full stop. I kicked him out and watched him out my window with his little suitcase on wheels teetering down my street with no sidewalks.

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      Linda Kenyon
      17 Feb 2020
      12:59pm

      Love the part about the pathetic little suitcase!

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    Joyce
    14 Feb 2020
    12:51pm

    I had a boyfriend dump me right before the holidays, then try to get back together after New Years. I think he didn’t want to buy a gift or take me out NYE. (This was a billion years ago. I think I was still in college. )

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    Heather
    14 Feb 2020
    1:10pm

    Oh gosh. So many:

    * When I was around 20, the POS who broke up with me on February 13, and also right before I was going to see my father for the first time in several years (and was a basket case). Like, he couldn’t have waited a couple of days?

    * When I was 30, the POS with whom I was in a long-distance relationship, who broke up with me on the first day of a trip back to visit his loser ass. I was faced with the choice of sticking around a few more days, or spending $400 I didn’t have to change my ticket. I picked the latter.

    * When I was 38, the POS who refused to clarify if we were, or were not, broken up (he was already dating someone else).

    * When I was 42, the person with whom I’d been trying to get pregnant/talking about marriage who broke up with me over dinner. He’d treated me like gold until a few months before, when his behavior towards me changed so extensively I actually wondered if he had a brain tumor or something. He married someone else about 6 months later.

    * When I was 48, the guy with whom I’d been friends for years and then began dating, only to learn that he’d been lying to me (and our mutual friends) all along about his background, work/financial situation, etc. When I confronted him with this, he ghosted me.

    GOACA can vote on which of the above seems the worst, or best, depending.

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      8:56pm

      You are still standing and have lived to tel these tales. I salute you.

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        Heather
        15 Feb 2020
        3:59pm

        Sadly, in regards to the last THREE of those, I thought I was finally making a good choice.

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    Margie
    14 Feb 2020
    12:27pm

    My long time long distance boyfriend came into town to stay and “help” while I was having major surgery. He picked a huge fight with me the night before the surgery, took off, flew home and left me with no one to take me to the hospital and no help during my recovery.

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      Pam
      15 Feb 2020
      4:49am

      I had the exact same experience except mine tossed a bag of McDonald’s on my bed before he left so I wouldn’t starve. (I was bedridden at the time).

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    Merry
    14 Feb 2020
    12:30pm

    My first husband ended our seven year marriage in a five star hotel suite in LA (my treat). After a blow job, a nice long steam shower and a lobster roll, he lolled on the bed in a fluffy robe, took a sip of his gin martini, and while surveying the glorious view of the mountains and ocean, casually announced “I’ve decided I’m divorcing you.”

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      Bobby
      14 Feb 2020
      1:45pm

      F*&ck him and the horse he rode in on. I hope he has some kind of permanent STI

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      12:57pm

      Kick to the balls.

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      Kimbersam
      14 Feb 2020
      1:04pm

      Jesus! Is this guy the inspo for a Jackie Collins novel? Or a Lifetime/Hallmark channel movie? UGH!

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    callie
    14 Feb 2020
    11:53am

    Solidarity ladies! I paid for my boyfriend to move his stuff from another city via amtrak, then got dumped via flip phone while I was buying groceries “I never really thought of you as my girlfriend” after living together for a year, during which I supported him after he broke his arm skateboarding and couldn’t work at his lucrative cash under the table carpentry gig, but wouldn’t get another job-it was a good wake up call, and made me realize that I had been subsuming myself to similar men throughout my relationship history but still felt horrifying and brutal…

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      Stacy
      14 Feb 2020
      11:58am

      “dumped via flip phone” — adding insult to injury.
      I hate him and hope he has crabs.

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    misty thing
    15 Feb 2020
    11:19am

    These stories are crazy! I had one of those stormy but compelling head over heels in love with an emotionally withholding passive aggressive person mind f**k relationships. We were deeply in love, I thought he was my soulmate. Eventually he dumped me rather coldly and I was devastated. After a recovery period, I forced myself back into dating. The very first night I had sex after the breakup, with date staying at my house, I opened the Sunday paper to find an article about me by my ex in MODERN LOVE section painting himself as a saint, myself as a lunatic, with many complaints about the most imitate details in our relationship- that he had never told me in years of dating. Good times.

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      Viajera
      17 Feb 2020
      10:35am

      If it helps at all, I think most of us when we read those stories realize they aren’t fact-checked. The LA Times has a Saturday feature with people’s autobiographical romantic yarns. Many of them feature millenials and technology. Privacy issues abound, bc they make the people use their real name to get the $300. Often I am not sure what to think.

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      Meg
      15 Feb 2020
      3:46pm

      Holy shit.

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      Clatie
      15 Feb 2020
      12:17pm

      WOW. What a mindfuck.

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    ArtHead
    18 Feb 2020
    3:35am

    Picture it. Middle of the country. 1996. We were both in the military, engaged, and living together. I was deployed and had become very ill from the stress. Hives all over my body and no one would come near for fear of me being a contagion. He broke up with me over the phone. There I was in a not so friendly country in the Middle East being shunned by my colleagues, itching to my bones, and trying not to cry all day long.

    Three weeks later I got home (barely missed being caught in a bombing) and had to find a new place to live. He had already found a new roommate, bought new furniture, leased a new apartment in the same complex, and had started moving out. He even made a halfhearted attempt to take my dog. I eventually had to put my stuff in storage and stay with friends until my new place was ready. Lots of crying myself to sleep at night. There might also have been a few late night/early morning apartment driveby’s. Not my proudest moments.

    A few months later he comes crawling back and while I had tried to date other people, he had been badmouthing me to anyone and everyone behind closed doors. Of course I didn’t know this at the time. Not that anyone I dated was all that great back then.

    Fast forward 4 months and we are both getting ready to deploy again, this time together. He is leaving 10 days before me. Spends the entire weekend at my apartment before he leaves. We talked and emailed a few times in the next 10 days.

    I arrived in country and he wouldn’t talk to me. Wouldn’t even look at me. Refused to acknowledge my existence. Eventually a mutual friend told me that he met another woman and was in love with her. In 10 days? Ok.

    It made the deployment awkward as the two of them would intentionally sit near me in the chow hall, walk by my lodging, and make out whenever possible. They also announced their engagement at a team dinner.

    Did I mention that I had just learned that he used my SS# to open a credit account to pay for my ridiculously overpriced and fugly engagement ring?

    There is a happy ending. After crying in my bed while listening to Bob Marley’s “She’s Gone” on repeat for three weeks, I met someone else. He rocked my world. The now affianced ex was jealous! The fiancée had gone home and he was bored. So he stalked me and my new beau whenever possible. He knew I was in heaven with the new guy because he would see new guy reading to me under the stars. No one can compete with that. No one.

    Fast forward a few months later and we are all back in the States. I’m blissfully in love and not thinking about the ex. But he was thinking about me. Had the fiancée accuse me of stalking her and more. Fortunately I was never alone and her claims were quickly refuted. Plus, everyone knew I was gaga over the new boyfriend.

    Fast forward 6 months and they are married. Another few months later the new boyfriend had to move away and we parted as dear friends. I then met my now husband.

    Turns out that the fiancée had been a friend of my now husband and he heard the whole story from her perspective. He was always suspicious of my ex and once he met me he realized why the fiancée was so insecure. I’m a hard act to follow. 😂

    It’s been 24 years almost to the day since this happened. The ex has been married four times. He turned into a clone of his father to include his job, neighborhood, hairline, paunch, not so great politics, and # of divorces.

    The first wife? She walked out on him a few years later and is happily remarried with a good career and lovely family in her hometown. The new boyfriend that rocked my world? He moved back to his hometown and married the next women he met. Happily married with a good career and a couple of lovely children. Me? Amicably separated from my husband, but lovingly and peacefully living a few blocks from each other as parents and close friends. He’s my family, forever. I’m living out my dream with my new career and developing a sweet and easy relationship with a wonderful man. I heard that the ex still tries to badmouth me because I’m a vocal and politically active feminist and work for a partisan government organization that he hates. Our mutual buddies shut him down.

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    Rebecca
    17 Feb 2020
    10:45pm

    A guy who was a few years behind me in college connected with me in NYC, where I was working and he was in grad school. We went out a few times, and (I thought) really enjoyed ourselves. The day after our last date (during which we’d had sex, not the first time) he called me and said he thought I wanted more from him than he was willing to give. Long story short, he dumped me. He then proceeded to text or message me few months for the next 5 or so years, all light and breezy, even after he’d married. Without the wisdom of my therapist, I might have thought he was still interested in or was trying to hang on to me. In reality, he was the kind of weakling who wanted to make sure I wasn’t ad at him, that he was a “good guy.” HA!

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    SlyBK
    14 Feb 2020
    10:43am

    we were staying in a tiny one-room house on the side of a steep mountain on an island in Greece. It belonged to a friend, and the accommodations were free. We’d bought charter tickets, and because we were in our early 20s, it was possible to take three weeks off from work, because the restaurant was always dead slow in August. So… the set up was arguably one of the most romantic vacations in the world…unless you spend every night moaning in your sleep having sex dreams with another man. He woke me up one morning by shaking me and “who are you dreaming about every night?! I know it’s not me!” A confession about my feelings for this other man and a full come-to-Jesus day later we broke up. All good, right? Well, no. We still had 7 days to go, no money to check in a hotel… So, yeah. 7 days in a one-room house on the side of a mountain in Greece with someone who wants to kill you for not loving them. Let’s just say he didn’t take a shower, comb his hair, or stop looking at me with death in his eyes until it was time to fly home. Definitely one of the worst breakups ever!

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    Kimbersam
    14 Feb 2020
    10:44am

    In a long-distance relationship for about 2 years. I was moving to LA from Philadelphia to be with him. I arrive at the airport, and he’s not there and his cell just goes straight to VM. Days later, he shows up at my Aunt’s (where I was to stay while we looked for our place) drunk and invites me to lunch. Stupidly, I go and there’s a beautiful lady at the restaurant waiting for us. Yup, you guessed it–his new GF. Luckily, I had a job, family, and friends in the city to lean on until I pulled it together. 23 years later, I am still here!

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      11:42am

      And do you often visit the place in the desert where you buried his body?

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        Donna
        14 Feb 2020
        3:41pm

        One of my friends came back from a short trip to find her boyfriend of many years had moved all his shit out of their condo while she was gone. Coward couldn’t breakup with her in person. Another friend was getting serious with a guy until one morning while he was in the shower she snooped through some messages on his phone and found out he was back together with his ex (then living in another city) and they were house-hunting and preparing for her return. As for me, when I was very young, inexperienced and stupid I convinced myself that I should have a fling with coworker at my first real job (lunchtime quickies at his nearby apt usually) only to have it end when one day when everyone at the office started congratulating him on his fiancé. Pregnant fiancé, actually. Yeah. Gross. A couple of years later he sent me an email asking how I was but I never replied.

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        Kimbersam
        14 Feb 2020
        12:38pm

        Meg, You weren’t supposed to tell! 🙂

        P.S. You are my favorite person ever.

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        Stacy
        14 Feb 2020
        11:56am

        Meg, you might be my new favorite person on this planet.

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          Jenny
          14 Feb 2020
          12:17pm

          Right? This is Viajera quality commenting!

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    Viajera
    15 Feb 2020
    4:18pm

    These are great stories! Well, that is … I am sorry folks had to suffer, so that I could read fascinating stories later. It’s astounding to think about the damage dishonest people can do. Then one thinks, to take just one example, what could a woman be thinking by getting involved with a man who could murder his wife? Ripped from the headlines. Then I remembered finding out that a new person I had begun seeing had just recently ended a 9 year relationship, perhaps to date me (which I didn’t know). According to him, there was a one month buffer period, but … he had strategically not mentioned annnnny of it. So who knows? It’s all kind of horrifying. Shoot. Now I’m wondering, gosh did I ever do any of these things to somebody else???? Yikes. I need more coffee to think about this… Also, re Weinstein, thank goodness for bathroom walls and their internet equivalent. We don’t want to commit defamation, of course, and we all do sometimes become angry and maybe lose it a little … yet, don’t we have a duty to warn, too???

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    Jen
    14 Feb 2020
    4:25pm

    I don’t know if this was a bad breakup but it was the strangest. Someone I’d been dating for a couple of months and was very crazy about invited me to a fancy tea place, which I was very excited about, until I realized he’d invited me there to dump me. There was another woman involved, but she was living in another country and nothing had really transpired with her. In the middle of him explaining all of this and me being very dramatic about it, and our tea being served, I realized a famous choreographer was at the table next to ours, with his husband/manager, being interviewed by a magazine reporter. The choreographer had some kind of moment about process and walked out to collect himself and the husband/manager was earnestly explaining to the reporter about artists and how deeply they feel things and so on. . . and I came back to the conversation with the guy breaking up with me to realize he’d been talking for several minutes and I’d missed it entirely because I was eavesdropping.

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      9:05pm

      The choreographer was clearly disturbed that the guy was breaking up with you. This was some kind of symbiotic emotional off gassing.

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    c.w.
    14 Feb 2020
    5:17pm

    I love all of you.

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    Heidi
    14 Feb 2020
    7:18pm

    I can’t resist a thread like this! Last year my bf and were out celebrating my birthday: dinner at our fave joint, lucky $10 lottery tickets to Hamilton (in the orchestra!), candlelit dessert after…which is when he decided to confess he’d been messing around with one of his coworkers for the last three months. Dumped him on the spot and haven’t spoken to him since!

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      Heather
      15 Feb 2020
      4:01pm

      Don’t you hate wasting good tickets on an unworthy dude?

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      Meg
      14 Feb 2020
      9:14pm

      Hamilton’s repentant soul must have compelled him to confess.

      (I thought winning the Hamilton lottery was an urban myth! That’s amazing!)

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    JDR
    14 Feb 2020
    7:50pm

    I was supposed to move w/my bf out of state b/c he had a great job opportunity. I quit my job and terminated my lease and shipped some of my stuff down to what was going to be “our” new apartment (even though he went to find it w/his parents – not me. Hello red flag!). I went down to visit a couple weeks before I was going to move down there and we discussed getting married (looked at rings!) and when I got home, he called and told me he wasn’t sure it was right. I was devastated. I mean I had just quit my good job and given up my apartment!! Luckily my boss was awesome and let me retract my resignation and I got another apartment in the same building but I was just crushed. I told him I’d give him til the end of the summer to get his head out of his ass and realize what a mistake he was making. Meantime, despite me insisting I was giving up men for the summer, I met a cute guy I liked and started seeing him. Told the douche bag who moved out of state about said cute guy and all of a sudden he was wanting me to come visit him so we could work on things. I let him buy me a ticket down to see him and promptly called him the day I was supposed to go and told him I wasn’t coming! (I knew before he bought that ticket that I had no intentions of going to see him). I ended up marrying the cute guy!! Almost 20 years and 2 kids later, I think it worked out pretty good for me!!

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      Kimbersam
      16 Feb 2020
      12:31pm

      ” I let him buy me a ticket down to see him and promptly called him the day I was supposed to go and told him I wasn’t coming! (I knew before he bought that ticket that I had no intentions of going to see him).”

      Fucking good for you!!! (punches air)

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    Lucky Texan
    14 Feb 2020
    8:36pm

    I began dating a coworker and we were in love and very committed for over a year. He suddenly started acting strangely distant. I confided in a friend who was also a coworker. She was so kind and attentive. I felt really lucky to have her ear at such a confusing time. One night my “love” came over and said he wanted to break up. I pleaded with him to just take a break. He refused. I asked him if there was someone else. He said absolutely not. But somehow in the next couple of weeks it suddenly struck me that there was someone else and it was my kind friend! To this day I don’t know how that suddenly came to me. I was heartbroken and even more so when they got married. But a few years later, he divorced her because he had gotten someone he worked with pregnant and had to marry her. I savored that and thanked god it wasn’t me!

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    Mamavalveeta03
    14 Feb 2020
    9:04pm

    My demoralizing breakup begins when was when I was 18 & a college freshman set up on a blind date by my roommate and her boyfriend. Turns out, he was GORGEOUS, and older (22 – SO old!) and we had chemistry galore! After lusting over each other for several months, we planned an encounter at the roomie’s boyfriend’s apartment. The first time is often memorable for the wrong reasons, and my experience was no different – I think he had some kind of fantasy going on and I was just trying to pretend that I knew what I was doing. We spent the next day bar-hopping with the other couple and made plans for the next day, but when we drove over to pick him up, he was gone with his “acid friends.” Dumped in favor of drugs.

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    Maggie
    15 Feb 2020
    8:24pm

    As a very wise woman once said (upon hearing my story of a man who’d broken up with me) : “Sometimes the trash takes itself out.”

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    Kayron
    15 Feb 2020
    12:51pm

    I had pulled out my back and was on bed rest. My fiancé, a musician who wrote me poems and regularly bought me flowers just because, cooked me dinner, showed me a movie he’d rented for me (this was long ago!), then left to GO ON A DATE with barista we were both friendly with from our favorite coffee shop because he ‘loved me but had to know’. This was a total sucker-punch, didn’t see it coming at all. Their ‘date’ lasted 36 hours. He was shocked to return to the apartment we shared to find my 4 siblings moving my stuff out while my mom waited in the van (because, hello, still bedridden). He was crying, kept asking “Why?”, and then, when it was clear I had nothing to say, he went to his computer and started playing a dirge he had composed, loudly, on repeat. While weeping. Because I had, you know, broken his precious little heart. Didn’t lift a finger to help my family move my stuff out, just sat there staring at me while I supervised my sibs, dirge on a loop, crying. It was quite a scene. Later I learned that my mom spent the time in the van ready to call the cops (this was before cell phones were super common and my parents had a huge boxy one you’d plug into the car’s cigarette lighter). To this day, I’m grateful his date lasted so long. It gave me time to process, grieve, and realize he had done me a huge favor. He may have been the one with the questions, but I’m the one who got the answers. The whole ridiculous situation allowed me to move forward without a backwards glance or any lingering questions of what might have been.

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      Kimbersam
      16 Feb 2020
      12:43pm

      Cis Male Musicians! The WORST! I was married to one. After I left him, he would leave me these long voice mails of him playing some sad shit and cry.

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        Pam
        17 Feb 2020
        1:39pm

        I think bad cis male musician stories would make another great topic!

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          LJIS
          18 Feb 2020
          6:42pm

          YES. They are generally trash.

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          Kimbersam
          18 Feb 2020
          8:43am

          Pam! Indeed!

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    Laura
    8 May 2020
    5:42am

    My ex broke up with me just before my birthday. And before that he spent the whole summer with his friends traveling around the world. Then came to me to tell me he is done with me coz he found another girl!

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About

Kim France

I was born in Houston, Texas in 1964 and have lived in New York City since 1988. I had a long career in magazines, working at Sassy, Elle, New York, and Spin, and in 2000, I founded Lucky magazine, which I edited for ten years.

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